Life goes on

I haven’t blogged for a few months.  It’s been an interesting turn of events and I think I’ve made the best decision available to me.

Things are, by appearance, better with my parents. They don’t accept me as I am but we’ve found a compromise and they have shown their potential to change. I made a decision to accommodate aging and frail parents. I don’t regret it and I’m happy I can be in their lives. Despite all that happened I was never entirely disowned, although they wanted to change me.  In the end I just saw the suffering of my parents who no matter what will love their child and fear their lord.  Tragic for them to be in such a situation – but that is something that cannot be changed over night.

But sometimes, just sometimes, I feel a deep sadness at my compromised situation. There are two aspects of me and my integrity. On the one hand, I am the woman who wants to be true to herself, be independent and keep her personal integrity which is so deeply linked to her mental image of herself. On the other hand, I am the dutiful daughter who loves her parents very deeply and wants to be in their lives. So yeah, life is comfortably in limbo. I think sometimes the flaw is wanting to have everything *right*. It’ll never be perfect with them, it’ll always bit a little distant and bittersweet. But, I am grateful for the relationship I have with them.

In other news, I enjoyed a great holiday! Now back to the bleak reality of a future in UK post Brexit…

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One thought on “Life goes on

  1. alanflynn says:

    I think it’s a sign of strength and maturity to compromise for the greater good – that of retaining a relationship with your parents. They have not had the benefit of your liberal education and so cannot be expected to embrace secular ideals of freedom of choice and conscience. Their mode of thought was formed a long time ago and won’t change now. What good will it do to pursue a purist line if the price is a near breakdown in your relations with them and their own immiseration until the end of their lives? You would be left with lifelong regrets if that came to pass. Far better to accept their limitations and opt to nourish the parental bond in the time you have left together. You have made the breakthrough where it really matters: in your own personal life and you have the rest of your time on this earth to reap the rewards.

    Like

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