I haven’t blogged for a few months. It’s been an interesting turn of events and I think I’ve made the best decision available to me.
Things are, by appearance, better with my parents. They don’t accept me as I am but we’ve found a compromise and they have shown their potential to change. I made a decision to accommodate aging and frail parents. I don’t regret it and I’m happy I can be in their lives. Despite all that happened I was never entirely disowned, although they wanted to change me. In the end I just saw the suffering of my parents who no matter what will love their child and fear their lord. Tragic for them to be in such a situation – but that is something that cannot be changed over night.
But sometimes, just sometimes, I feel a deep sadness at my compromised situation. There are two aspects of me and my integrity. On the one hand, I am the woman who wants to be true to herself, be independent and keep her personal integrity which is so deeply linked to her mental image of herself. On the other hand, I am the dutiful daughter who loves her parents very deeply and wants to be in their lives. So yeah, life is comfortably in limbo. I think sometimes the flaw is wanting to have everything *right*. It’ll never be perfect with them, it’ll always bit a little distant and bittersweet. But, I am grateful for the relationship I have with them.
In other news, I enjoyed a great holiday! Now back to the bleak reality of a future in UK post Brexit…