I visited my parents last week after 5 weeks. This was also the third visit to my parents since the big reveal. The visit was a very interesting one and I must say, expectedly, much better.
I arranged to accompany my mother to a routine hospital appointment in the hope that we’ll get some time alone (without my dad around) and perhaps rebuild some of our relationship. My mum too was eager to see me, like me she missed me, and she had hoped she can talk me back to the “right path”. She told me so on the phone. When I got there my mum greeted me normally, and my dad seemed to be pretty routine too. I was a bit startled by that. I was expecting sorrowful faces and requests for change. Instead, my mum offered me to eat and spoke about the weather, her health, etc. This was oddly nice and felt happy about it. Then my mother made some comments about whether I had given more thought to her requests to change and think about God. I nodded and told her that I do take note of her requests, but that change was up to me. She mumbled her disapproval and then went away. I giggled at this. Had it already healed? Has my mum come to accept it to some extent? She didn’t cry. She wasn’t shouting. She wasn’t even angry. She was sad, but sad and in denial. She was hopeful that maybe shaitaan will release me some day.
As the day went by, we had not discussed my apostasy much in a dramatic way. Rather, it was mentioned in passing and with a few sighs and disappointed looks. In fact, my mother confided in me about troubles with my other siblings. It made me realise that, while she is upset with me, she is also upset with the others. It also seemed like my issue was not her biggest worry – or at least the most impacting at present. She worried about my “afterlife” more than my actual life! While my mum was happy with me for a bit, I took the liberty to remind her that I had a lovely partner in my life and that they mustn’t forget that. That we are a package now and that they will have to come to accept him and my choices. I showed my mum my partner’s photo and she smiled. She said he was handsome, but obviously needed a god too (apparently)! This was progress.
My mum reminded me something that day. She told me she hasn’t and won’t disown me. But that, she can only accept me if we abide by her rules. She kept on muttering that. But her actions showed something else. She was, somewhat, accepting me without me abiding by her rules. It is a tough decision for her to make as it goes against her way of life – but love is stronger. I hope it remains this way.
I came home smiling that day. This was the first time in 2 months that we sat together and talked and ate food. We did not cry or argue. We disagreed but it was civil. I know there is more to battle ahead, but this gave me some hope. Perhaps time and space does heal wounds – or at least become less pronounced. In any case, I wanted to share a good experience in my life.