My dear mother tells me about hell fire, reminding me about the awful torture and frightening beasts that shall await me, to somehow persuade me to believe again. But all it does is makes my conviction in my disbelief stronger. I don’t think it registers that every time she tells me about some hot oil being poured over my skin making my skin blister and peel away that it just makes me angrier. It doesn’t make me feel afraid of this ghastly deity. No. It makes me despise the mythical and sadistic God that she bows down to.
I told her to stop talking about hell fire because clearly isn’t making a difference for the better. In her sweetness she then begins to talk about heaven and how that is what I should aim for. She gleefully talks about the joys of heaven and the bounty that could be mine if I silently obey. Well, it hurts to tell my mum, but really that makes no difference either. In anything, it sounds rather silly and boring. If anything, it’s really not got much to give women in heaven. And let’s not forget that ALL of the normal human desires which have to be restricted in this world can be unleashed rampantly in the afterlife. I mean, isn’t that weird? Surely if it is something so terrible that humans must avoid (such as alcohol), then why is the supposed All-Knowing going to reward his slaves with it in the hereafter? It makes no sense to me. It’s just a sadistic game which the followers seem to lap up. I guess it is a security that many like to have (for whatever reason) and if it works for them, fine. But, it doesn’t work for me.
I told my mother that why on earth would I respect or believe in a deity which takes pleasure in allowing some people to enter into heaven, but at the same time torture others in hell? That is sadistic and it’s not moral.
I am tired of having the same conversations over and over again. I know she’s still in shock and I want to be patient. But it is difficult. And, the more she tries to bring me closer to her God, the more I despise him.