ExMuslim Resilience

Burdened with the weight of our sorrow,
we slowly reach out our hands to connect.
The coming together of shared tales,
fostering bonding and strengthening resistance.

A glimmer of hope flicking through our eyes,
a crooked smile forming upwards.
Small baby steps form in preparation,
of easing the burden of our existence.

Planning the future with courage.
and resilience to create a better society.
Together we embrace and join hands,
marching forward to make a difference.

Though tears fall when allies deny us,
refusing their support and solidarity.
Making a mockery of our lived realities,
despite our sincere insistence.

But we accept our burden,
and we will not submit to your demands.
Our godless minds will build courage,
bravely with our collective experience.

Though failed by many, we still persist,
to be heard and be free.
Our determination will not falter,
we will conquer the vast distance.

#ExMuslimBecause I want to be free

Before someone tells me ‘oh you’re never really TRULY free’, well, being ExMuslim makes me a little bit more freer than I was as a Muslim. Now, this may not be YOUR reality, but it has definitely been MINE.

I am sick and tired of hearing the supposed Liberal Left being so ignorant and biased about ExMuslims. The BBCTrending radio clip on the ExMuslimBecause hashtag is disgraceful and highlights just how much more needs to be done to combat this unwarranted attack on ExMuslims.

Despite the Campaigners clarification right from the beginning that this is to raise awareness and that we are NOT anti-Muslim, it appears that this just doesn’t seem to sink in. BBC has done such injustice to ExMuslims, who are a minority within a minority and represented us in such a false manner. Even at the beginning the premise was set with the tone that ‘oh this is so sensitive, and untimely for Muslims’. This is what their message was all along. They completely ignored the plight of ExMuslims and the very fact that we are silenced and we suffer the consequences of choosing to leave the religion our parents raised us in. The pitted two Muslim voices against one ExMuslim on a topic about ExMuslims. Seriously.

I feel so angry. I feel our stories are hijacked and we are called islamophobes, when this is so far from the truth.

I have been hiding being an ExMuslim from my parents for 10 years now. I have not done that purely because I am afraid, but because I love my Muslim parents and I don’t want to hurt them and I am very considerate of their feelings. So much so that it is unhealthy for me. My behaviour here is definitely not islamophobic.

I would be so damn pleased to relinquish the label of ‘ExMuslim’ as soon as you guys allow us to coexist. Without ignorant accusations. Without the ritual hatred of apostates. Without isolating us. Without alienating us. Without making  us feel like outcasts. We only dared to lead OUR lives according to OUR choices.

#ExMuslimBecause only way to be heard and move on. One day.

Why now?

I ponder why I have the significant urge to shout out about my true existence at the moment. Why now? I think I’ve just had enough and part of dealing with the problems mean – living the problems – not leaving the problems.

I must say the #ExMuslimBecause campaign has given me the courage to take that next step and I am so proud of those fearless and tireless open ExMuslims. It is bloody hard to walk the walk in UK, let alone at Muslim majority countries!

A culmination of the last ten years has led to this. I am happy and frightened. 31 days to go. Countdown begins now.


She felt a little lonely and sat in the corner,
Twiddling her thumbs, wishing she could do a runner.

Chatter chatter of the clan, she heard,
Though she wasn’t to utter a word.

Stripped of her being, yet trapped in the room,
She thought long and hard about her impending doom.

‘But why must it be this way?’
She sure hoped there would be a better day.

So quietly she pondered and made her plan,
Leaving the art of twiddling thumbs to her clan.

She took her chance and did a runner,
No longer was she an ornament of the corner.

For She Was Born a Woman

Her wings were clipped at birth, a hard beginning she had,
They told her destiny was written, for a woman she was born.
In anguish she tread this path, she felt like she was going mad.

They scorned her and they laughed at her dreams,
They called her foolish, for she was born a woman.
Her grievances were ignored, as were her screams.

Alas it was enough! Her wings became unclipped with her bare hand,
Madness struck her folks, confusion and anger!
For a woman she was born, they simply could not understand.

She smiled and stroked her wings, for she will now learn to fly,
Her dismayed folks wept in sorrow, fearful of their future.
She reminded them, for she was born a woman that she will always try.

Small Transgressions

Empty walls surround me, never a photo in sight.
They say it is wrong, I never got to see the reflection of sweet moments shine bright.

Trapped in my mind,
Memories of all kind.

Never allowed to be displayed,
Such adornment makes them afraid.

God shall not enter, they say,
He does not like pretty things this way.

But, all I wanted was my memories to dazzle my wall,
I never meant to blaspheme, I was still draped in my shawl.

Day One

I have not blogged since I was a teen, so I guess the polite thing to do will be to give an introduction.

I am a woman of Asian background and I am a strong adherent to secular values. I am a freethinker, feminist, Anthropology Grad and an Ex-Muslim. This latter part of my identity, makes a huge part of me. This has been an ongoing issue in my life for the last ten years. I am now coming to a place in my life where I am going to “come out” entirely to my parents. I am afraid. I am worried. I feel deep sadness as I know this will affect the relationship with my family.

I sometimes feel angry. It’s not often that human’s experience abandonment and loss on such a scale – so then, why me? I guess that’s my high cost of being myself and different to my family.

Anyways. I wish to use this space as an outlet for my thoughts and ramblings. Happy and Sad.

Thanks for reading.

~ X ~